I’ve always been a pretty selfish individual, which isn’t easy to openly admit nor is it something I’m necessarily proud of; but it is indeed a fact. Admitting I care most about myself isn’t a characteristic that easily flows out of my mouth simply because selfishness is accompanied by so many negative stereotypes. I’m a compassionate person and will happily help anyone in need, but I’ve always been this way – selfish. Even as a little girl I can recall thoughts of not wanting to play unless we could play what I wanted. My way or the highway type of gal. I’m the type of woman who wants things exactly how she imagines them and I can say because of that, I’ve been able to build things around me exactly how I wanted them based solely off of my unwillingness to budge.
Starting this blog took me down a path I didn’t expect and while I’m so amazed with where it’s lead, it’s also opened up a new level of selfishness for me. I initially did not realize how much time I was going to have to commit to this brand in order to see results and experience growth. There are seven days in a week. I spend five of those committing eight hours to a company that leaves me a couple of hours every evening for myself, with two days left to either catch up on sleep or work my ass off before Monday comes again. Once I got serious about where I was going to take this, I had to get incredibly decisive about where my money, resources and even where my thoughts would be spent. Most importantly, I had to get even more selfish with how I spent my time.
I’ve had to selfishly choose my work over friends birthday brunches, or family vacations. I’ve had to choose putting together blog posts over weeknight dinner dates. I’ve had to put off dating in general because I didn’t have the time to give and didn’t want to offer any man less than what I felt he deserved from me (because ya know, the thought of half-assing anything makes me cringe). My time is so limited that I have no choice but to capitalize on it when it becomes available. Whether I’m using it to work on something new, shoot photos, or brainstorm content, the fact of the matter is, I need the time. I’ve never been afraid to tell anyone no, but even still, I’ve struggled with the guilt that comes with selfishness, often feeling like I’m a bad friend, a bad sister or a bad employee because I have to skip out of the office at 4:59 pm.
To better help myself, I had to rearrange my thinking. Instead of feeling selfish for putting my priorities first, I began telling myself that I was respecting my time. Selfishness is putting your wants over the needs of others, while self-respect is putting your needs over the wants of others. I have an agenda that I need to fulfill and I can’t feel bad about that. It’s easy to feel condemned about your decisions when you’re attempting to better yourself. There are fathers who spend years away from their children serving in the military as a way to provide. There are teens who leave their single mothers alone to care for their siblings so they can go off to college and lead by example. What’s considered selfish to some is respectable to others.
The way I view it is that nothing I do is strictly for me. This blog is for you. All of the work that I do is for other young women who are walking the same path, wanting more and willing to go after it. Any product that I put together is to enhance another woman’s thinking and to put her one step closer to her goals. I’m becoming something that my future children will appreciate as an example; someone that will make my nephews think twice about who they bring home. You must first serve yourself in order to be of service to others. Respect yourself enough to make selfish decisions when it comes to your dreams.