The Importance of a Healthy Dose of Selfishness

The Importance of a Healthy Dose of Selfishness | The B Werd

I’ve always been a pretty selfish individual, which isn’t easy to openly admit nor is it something I’m necessarily proud of; but it is indeed a fact. Admitting I care most about myself isn’t a characteristic that easily flows out of my mouth simply because selfishness is accompanied by so many negative stereotypes. I’m a compassionate person and will happily help anyone in need, but I’ve always been this way – selfish. Even as a little girl I can recall thoughts of not wanting to play unless we could play what I wanted. My way or the highway type of gal. I’m the type of woman who wants things exactly how she imagines them and I can say because of that, I’ve been able to build things around me exactly how I wanted them based solely off of my unwillingness to budge.

Starting this blog took me down a path I didn’t expect and while I’m so amazed with where it’s lead, it’s also opened up a new level of selfishness for me. I initially did not realize how much time I was going to have to commit to this brand in order to see results and experience growth. There are seven days in a week. I spend five of those committing eight hours to a company that leaves me a couple of hours every evening for myself, with two days left to either catch up on sleep or work my ass off before Monday comes again. Once I got serious about where I was going to take this, I had to get incredibly decisive about where my money, resources and even where my thoughts would be spent. Most importantly, I had to get even more selfish with how I spent my time.

I’ve had to selfishly choose my work over friends birthday brunches, or family vacations. I’ve had to choose putting together blog posts over weeknight dinner dates. I’ve had to put off dating in general because I didn’t have the time to give and didn’t want to offer any man less than what I felt he deserved from me (because ya know, the thought of half-assing anything makes me cringe). My time is so limited that I have no choice but to capitalize on it when it becomes available. Whether I’m using it to work on something new, shoot photos, or brainstorm content, the fact of the matter is, I need the time. I’ve never been afraid to tell anyone no, but even still, I’ve struggled with the guilt that comes with selfishness, often feeling like I’m a bad friend, a bad sister or a bad employee because I have to skip out of the office at 4:59 pm.

To better help myself,  I had to rearrange my thinking. Instead of feeling selfish for putting my priorities first, I began telling myself that I was respecting my time. Selfishness is putting your wants over the needs of others, while self-respect is putting your needs over the wants of others. I have an agenda that I need to fulfill and I can’t feel bad about that. It’s easy to feel condemned about your decisions when you’re attempting to better yourself. There are fathers who spend years away from their children serving in the military as a way to provide. There are teens who leave their single mothers alone to care for their siblings so they can go off to college and lead by example. What’s considered selfish to some is respectable to others.

The way I view it is that nothing I do is strictly for me. This blog is for you. All of the work that I do is for other young women who are walking the same path, wanting more and willing to go after it. Any product that I put together is to enhance another woman’s thinking and to put her one step closer to her goals. I’m becoming something that my future children will appreciate as an example; someone that will make my nephews think twice about who they bring home. You must first serve yourself in order to be of service to others. Respect yourself enough to make selfish decisions when it comes to your dreams.

18 Comments

  1. Kendall Thompson
    April 25, 2017 / 10:34 am

    This was a great blog post! I am the opposite, I find myself stretching myself out for everyone & everything else before myself. This post came at the right time to reiterate that MY time is important & I shouldn’t feel bad for being selfishly productive with MY time!!

    I know you hear it all the time but, great job! Your story, commitment & consistency with this blog alone has inspired me in so many ways! We need more women in the world like you, to be “selfish” because there’s too many of us that aren’t selfish enough.

    You are a one of a kind phenomenal woman, who’s fire sparks flames in other women. So THANK YOU for choosing yourself first.

    • Courtney
      April 26, 2017 / 10:18 am

      Your time is incredibly value and beyond that, limited! Make sure that you’re spending it the way that YOU’RE comfortable with because at the end of the day, you have to please yourself even if that means potentially upsetting others. They’ll live. Thank you so much for the kind compliments. I’m beginning to realize more and more how much sharing my own experiences is helping other women and I can’t stop now! Keep at it boo xx

  2. April 25, 2017 / 11:35 am

    This topic is soo relevant for me.. as I have recently made some critical decisions that will ultimately aid in my happiness and peace! A Refreshing confirmation!

    • Courtney
      April 26, 2017 / 10:19 am

      Girl yes, peace of mind over EVERYTHING! You come first, I don’t care what anyone says. Keep pursuing your own happiness until you feel fulfilled.

  3. April 25, 2017 / 12:21 pm

    This was yet another great post that I could relate to!! The past couple months I have taken on this new thinking that it is okay to sacrifice somethings and it is a good thing and that saying no and doing things for your self is okay. Prior to this I was like another person that commented Kendall – I was stretching myself thin – trying to make to everything afraid to say no because I felt that I would be hurting someone, when in the end I was the one hurt, having panic attacks and sleepless nights. I’m so thankful for the growth I’ve had over the past few months. I loved this post (like all of your post) Thanks for sharing!

    • Courtney
      April 26, 2017 / 10:27 am

      Shauni the only person I let keep me up at night is my damn self LOL. If I stretch myself thin it’s for my own benefit and desires. I try my best to support and be present in the lives of the people that I care about, but if they really care about me they need to understand that I can’t do it all and respect that. Your peace of mind is priority.

  4. ashley carron
    April 25, 2017 / 1:08 pm

    I am still struggling with this. having a two year old, a relationship where we are both still growing and trying to focus on my career and my new love of blogging. It’s hard to just put myself first but it’s something that I have to do from time to time but what sucks is I really do feel bad at times like I wasted time or I could have been doing this instead of that.

    • Courtney
      April 26, 2017 / 10:29 am

      I understand how easy it is to feel guilt for doing what you need to do but unfortunately, it’s a necessary evil that must be done or you’ll be putting off what you truly desire for your entire life. Try your best to balance it, but never feel bad about spending time doing the things that nourish you.

  5. Erin
    April 25, 2017 / 5:56 pm

    This one hit home, thanks for putting this into a positive perspective.

    Xoxo

    • Courtney
      April 26, 2017 / 10:29 am

      Thank you for reading Erin!

  6. Amber
    April 25, 2017 / 8:20 pm

    Wonderful post! I am often called selfish, based on the decisions I make to better myself, by family members. I’ve even been told that the only reason that I do not have children, is because I’m selfish; I guess in their eyes it is completely unrelated to the fact that I don’t have a husband, let alone a steady man lol!

    Happy to know that I’m not alone, and that it is indeed okay to focus on myself.

    • Courtney
      April 26, 2017 / 10:34 am

      That’s EXACTLY why I don’t have kids, I’M SELFISH! Oh yeah, not married either hahaha. I’m selfish with my time, my money, my sleep and everything else that I value, shame me if you want to but I love the life I live and that’s ALL that matters <3 Do you, boo.

  7. April 26, 2017 / 11:47 am

    Very comforting to know I’m not alone in what I’m experiencing ever since I started embarking on my own blogging journey. I appreciate you for sharing this, thank you. <3

    P.S. That line about the difference between selfishness & self-respect, I gotta quote you on that. Such a meaty nugget!

    • Courtney
      May 1, 2017 / 9:07 am

      It’s a situation that we all find ourselves in when we decide to embark on whatever it is we desire. Blogging along with any other venture is difficult and incredibly time consuming and people don’t realize that. It’ll get easier, keep at it boo!

  8. Niajah T.
    April 29, 2017 / 8:28 am

    An absolutely incredible post. Just what I needed to hear.

    • Courtney
      May 1, 2017 / 9:08 am

      Thank you Niajah! I’m glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for reading <3

  9. April 30, 2017 / 7:47 pm

    I never thought of the definitions that you gave…I love it! “Selfishness is putting your wants over the needs of others, while self-respect is putting your needs over the wants of others”

    -xoxo Tanish

    • Courtney
      May 1, 2017 / 9:16 am

      Thank you for reading Tanish! I’m glad you enjoyed it <3