How did you find your purpose? What can others do to find their purpose?
It will sound very cliche, but I really searched for it. I felt that same feeling of unfulfillment many of y’all do and was continuously asking myself what else I should be doing. I read a lot to see what I connected with. I traveled often to expand my mind and then I added action by beginning to write. My writing then made it’s way over to TheBWerd.com and all of the dots seemed to connect after that. Action was what sealed the deal for me. It was what made me feel right. It was what woke me up earlier than usual and kept me up later than I was comfortable. It made me do more and want more, but most importantly – my action helped others. This post was one of the very first I wrote when I began blogging and it still rings true. I’m actually working on a free workbook for you guys that will help you align your purpose with your dream lifestyle. If there are issues that you struggle with specifically when trying to narrow down what your purpose is, please email them to me so that I can make sure they’re addressed. Y’all can expect that in the next month or so!
How did you know Nate was the one? You are so focused and driven in life and that’s something I aspire to be! You two are so cute together and I’m a Ghanaian girl, so seeing the way you embrace his culture really brings tears to my eyes!
I didn’t! LOL. It truly was one of those things that I would’ve missed due to my own stubborn ways had he not made me pay attention. I overlooked him for so long in our friendship because he wasn’t what I had trained my eyes to see. There were things he’d do throughout our friendship that made me look twice at the men I was “dating”. I’d meet up with the men I was supposed to be interested in and think “why do I have more fun with Nate?” or “Nate treats me better than this”, so him being himself really helped me recognize the difference in what I wanted versus what I needed. It was a situation where he really just ended up fitting into my busy life without force. Once my battery died, Nate was up at 7 am on a Saturday calling me so that he could change it for me. When I totaled my car, I wasn’t going to be able to get one for two weeks, so he insisted I drive his while he drove my sister’s older no-air-conditioning truck in the middle of a Houston summer and never complained once. When we actually started dating, there were so many things that he did that showed me he was a great partner. He was supportive, always available (even when I wasn’t), never pressured me, and so kind, not just to me, to everyone. We’re both from very blended neighborhoods, so I was already familiar with Nigerian culture, while he’s equally open and familiar to my Mexican side. When we were just friends dancing was always one thing that connected us. He loves to dance and I can’t sit still. No matter what they played, Wizkid or salsa, best believe we were dancing! LOL
What are some great fall perfumes or scents to wear? I’m looking to try some new ones.
During the winter I typically stay away from floral airy scents and lean more towards heavy warmer ones. There are some that have a cozy smell to them that pair well with chunky sweaters or coats. Jimmy Choo has one of my favorite Winter scents, along with Versace and Flowerbomb. I may be the only one but I despise wearing my expensive perfume to the office during the work week, but Zara has some inexpensive fragrances that smell incredible!
I’m a hat wearer and I’m looking for some cool wool fedoras for the fall season, any suggestions?
I love fedoras and beanies in the winter. I typically spend a bit more on my fedoras simply because the less expensive ones don’t seem to hold their shape and can be really flimsy. All of my favorite ones have come from Nordstrom, but I linked some really cute ones below –
You mentioned a health scare in last week. I hope everything’s okay with you!
Everything is, thank you! I experienced some really loud ringing in my ears that went on for a few days accompanied with some dizziness all caused from anxiety. August and September gave me no days off. Right after the engagement, Hurricane Harvey came and we were displaced. Then things were hectic at work due to all of the things the hurricane had changed. On top of that I was feeling overwhelmed with the amount of time I was spending helping others build their brands, while still wanting to make mine a priority. On top of that came questions about a wedding date and getting ready to go out of the country for a week. I hadn’t been able to sleep because I was constantly thinking of what I needed to do the following day and it all caught up with me. Take care of yourself first! Mentally, physically and emotionally. Even if it means taking a step back from your “responsibilities”. They will all be there once you can think clearly again.
My husband and I are finally going on our honeymoon to Jamaica at the end of October. I’m currently getting all of my outfits and swimsuits together and was wondering if you had any sites you normally go to for swimsuit shopping. Thanks!
Congratulations! I love Jamaica. Here’s a Travel Guide just in case you guys will be spending any time in Montego Bay. As far as swimsuits go, it depends on what I’m looking for. For a swimsuit I only plan to wear a few times, I’ll always check out Zaful, Forever 21, Missguided, ASOS and last but not least…. Amazon. Believe it or not, Amazon has some of the same swimsuits you’ll find at these online boutiques for under $10, so you can order as many as you want. Any swimsuit I plan to wear year after year, which is typically a solid or basic swimsuit, I can always find what I’m looking for at Nordstrom or Revolve.
I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve watch your proposal and engagement party videos more than once…. or twice, but I love them so much! It was so nice to see you interact on a personal level, I couldn’t help but smile the entire time! Are you planning to document your wedding process? Please say yes!
Awe, thank you so much! As long as the time permits, I will share as much of my wedding journey with you all as possible. It took me about a week to edit both of those videos with everything else we had going on, so I’m sure I can squeeze in the rest. We haven’t decided on a date just yet, but once we do we’ll get the ball rolling. I’m afraid my shopping budget may suffer due to this, but I’m trying not to be selfish LOL. We’re still open to wedding hashtags so if you’ve got any in mind, feel free to send them over!
I saw on your Instastory that you’re planning to leave for Italy! Can you do a haul? I’d love to see what you’re going to pack!
I still have about 47 things to do before I leave this Sunday so I probably won’t have time for a haul. What I will do is link the majority of the items that I ordered for this trip below so that you guys can shop my items before I post them in the Travel Guide. Enjoy!
I’ll be graduating from college this December and I’m in need of a dress for the ceremony and my graduation dinner/party! My style is more on the classic, chic, and sophisticated side. Please help me!
Congratulations! I graduated in December as well and opted for a strapless dress to wear under my own, then had a quarter sleeve midi dress for my party. Here are some cute ideas for both that are guaranteed to leave an impression –
Do you have any tips on growing your Instagram following?
I tell every single one of my clients the two most important things you will need to grow your Instagram following are consistency and quality. The content of your photos need to be quality, whether they’re just visual or actually compelling or educational in the caption. What’s bringing your followers back to your back? What makes them double tap? My followers love when I get dressed, but they also really appreciate when I share valuable knowledge with them that they can use in their own lives, so I balance my content between those two. Quality photos make all of the difference. If someone visits your page for the first time and knows nothing about you, are your photos alone enough to keep them scrolling? Also, I’d suggest posting no less than five times a week, if not every day. That can seem impossible when our day-to-day lives are so redundant, but it’s the only way to stay in front of your audience, create interaction (you liking and commenting as well) and remain on explore pages so that people can find you.
Thank you guys for all of this weeks questions! I’ll be out of the country for a week so I’m trying to get some content in cue to have up on the blog throughout then. If you have any questions for next week, please comment them below or send them over via email. Have a great weekend!
It’s no surprise that I’m a huge and loyal fan of ASOS. It’s one of the few clothing companies I can attest to having fantastic quality clothing and customer service. I’ve been shopping with them since my college days and still have so many pieces from back then in my current wardrobe. I can depend on them to get me both classic and trendy pieces at an affordable price and with no hassle (and free!) returns, I can ship back anything I feel won’t be a good fit for me. Fall will be here tomorrow, so I rounded up my favorite items for the upcoming season. See them below!
For those of you who don’t know who Kahlana Barfield is, you need to find out quickly. For one, I wish she was my best friend. She is a huge fashion maven who is a Fashion and Beauty Editor at Large for InStyle Magazine. From red carpets, to talk shows, to HSN, to her own fashion installation at Barneys, she’s GOALS. Her career began as an intern at InStyle, where she learned the in’s and out’s of the magazine business. After her internship ended, she was hired on and the rest was history. I was so intrigued by the podcast interview she did with Myleik Teel on her MyTaughtYou podcast, that I felt compelled to share the snippets with you. We all need a reminder of why we do what we do, that the hard work is worth it and the dots will all connect. If you have time to listen to the full interview, I suggest that you do. If not, here are some gems for you to take throughout your week with you!
It’s Not Always Going to Pay
When she began her first internship at Suede Magazine in NYC, she was getting a stipend of $15 a day. Not an hour, a day. The money wasn’t what was important to her, she simply wanted to be in the building and feel the energy. All of her friends had landed paying jobs, but that didn’t detour her. When we want an opportunity bad enough and have the vision for it in our heads, it may require that we have to do things that don’t pay what we’d hoped for, if at all. As much as people are convinced that they shouldn’t move unless money is involved, money is not always a prerequisite for success. One major takeaway that stuck with me from Charlamagne Tha God’s book was when he said “people don’t recognize opportunity if it’s not a paycheck attached to it.” Don’t miss the chance to get your foot in the door because of what it will cost you.
Stick With Your Plan A
When you’re dead set on your Plan A but it becomes too difficult, too unrealistic, or too challenging, we’re suddenly okay with the idea of a Plan B. When you take your plan B into consideration, it distracts you from how badly you wanted your Plan A when you believed that it was actually attainable. Kahlana was dead set on her plan A working out. She had faith that it would turn into something bigger and was willing to do the work for it. that By sticking with her Plan A, it eventually evolved past what she could imagine. Imagine what your desires could turn into if you’d stick with them all the way through.
Work Around What You’re Given
She was hired as a general office intern, when what she really wanted to be a fashion intern. They just didn’t have the slot available. She was disappointed, but it ended up working to her advantage. Instead of only learning about fashion, she was able to learn about InStyle in it’s entirety and work with the editors in each department. You may not get dealt the cards you wanted, but you can still play the hand you’re dealt to the best of your abilities.
No Days Off
Or very few, at least. The way Kahlana was able to leave a lasting impression on the Fashion Director who ended up hiring her, was because she filled in for her assistant while she was gone on a two week vacation. In the two weeks that Kahlana was filling in, she had the opportunity to not just do the assistants job, but it was enough time to prove to the Fashion Director that she could do it quicker, better and smarter than the assistant. The valuable lesson in this is to never give someone else the opportunity to do your job better than you. Prove why you deserve to be in your position daily because even if you don’t take it seriously, someone else will.
Dedicate to Making Impressions
Kahlana would show up at 7 am when the office didn’t open until 10. She’d stay in the office after everyone was gone. She recognized as a triple minority (African American, young, and a woman) she had to work three times as hard to prove her worth. She was continuously thinking what else she could do, what else she could learn, how else she could improve, not just to impress those at InStyle, but to continue to soak up what she could during her time there. On the last day of her internship, which is a seemingly forgettable position, she still walked around and gave everyone handwritten thank you cards, noting what she’d enjoyed about working with them most. Now that’s how you become memorable.
Be Confident in Speaking Up
During this podcast episode, Kahlana addresses something I think many women struggle with – knowing when to speak up and when to be quiet in the workplace. Because we’re often the minority, we’re afraid to rock the boat and are just thankful to have a seat at the table. Instead of feeling like we have something valuable to add, our confidence is combated with the idea that we should “just be happy to be here”, when in fact, we’ve earned our spot there. There were times where she felt like her voice didn’t matter and eventually had to find the confidence in knowing she had something worthwhile to contribute.
Passion Catches The Eye
Kahlana mentions how so many people she interviews only want the job for what it looks like to the eye. They see a tall building, a beautiful lobby and a lot of expensive clothing, so they’re instantly intrigued. What she wants to know is, that you’ve done your research and why you really want the job. Passion is always apparent. She’d want to be convinced that this is what you’d done for free because you love it that much. Do your homework and research, know about the position and company and be able to communicate why you’re the best candidate for the job.
Build Genuine Relationships
In a world of instant gratification, it’s so easy to have access to people you admire. She speaks about her biggest pet peeve being people reaching out to her wanting something from her that don’t know her and I can definitely relate. Some of the most valuable relationships I’ve built since launching my personal brand began with genuineness. If you admire someone, let them know. There’s nothing wrong with sending them a quick message or a professional email. If you like what they post, or their style, compliment them, but please do not overstep your boundaries. Say hello every time you see them, but don’t intrude on their personal space or time. Someone you look up is likely very busy, so you asking if they’d have time to meet for a cup of coffee or review your resume when they’ve never seen your name before is quite far fetched. If you want to rub shoulders with them, find a way to get put in the same room so that you have the opportunity to build a genuine relationship.
To listen to the full interview and get familiar with Kahlana’s hustle, click here.